I am not perfect. I am ME

As I begin to write this blog. I began to think how dating life is and how mess it is. I was talking to this guy about a month. Everything seems to running smooth. But there is a part of me telling me that he is settle down with me because i am safe one. What do i mean by that. Safe one is someone that is out of your league. Someone is not the type you normal go out with. Say for instance, you have been hurt many of times by the type of guys you normally like. And you decide to try something different than what you normally wouldn't go for. He is not the type you was hoping to be with. But his personality is amazing and you can connect with him. That is how i feel with this new guy. I just feel that he is keeping me on the back burner until a cute skinny woman with the perfect boobs and ass. I am not perfect, but i Love my body. I may be a plus size woman and have these flaws that is unattractive to some guys. But I don't want to be someone backup plan. Some guy safety net. It hurts to think like this. I cant tell him how i truly feel because we are fresh in this thing we are in. I don't want to seems like a helpless woman that i am. I cant help the way that i feel for him. I hate myself feeling this way. It not a great feeling. To make it worst, he don't find me attractive. I know they always said love yourself before someone else can love you. I do love myself. But have some guy tells you that he only love your personality and think you are cool. That right there said he see you as a friend and nothing more. He see you as "one of the guys". I want to feel and be sexy around him. I want him to tell me "You are beautiful". I am trying my hardest to be strong and hold my feelings back. But I cant, I want something that is real. Something that I can call my own. Someone who is interested in me and only me. My best friend was telling me that i need someone who I can see a future with. Someone who can be there when the chips are down. Someone who can be there when I am hurt. Maybe I am a hopeless woman who believe fairy tales and happy ever after. I just want that perfect guy to call my own. I believe he is out there some where waiting for me. I just have to be patience. Anyhow, if you are reading this. I want you know that i care about you so much. But i cant be with you like this. I know you like me and everything about me. I don't want to get hurt. I have been many times by guys who used me as a back burner. I want to be your only one and i cant stand that you are still talking to her. It your life, you are a grown man. I cant be with someone who consider me as one of the guys. Someone who calls himself single. I don't know what to do. I just need to think about this. Because you are the only guy I am talking to a this moment. I just need time to calm myself down with these feelings i have. I am falling for you and i hate that i am. I barely know you only for a month. But the way i feel for you is weird. It so weird and i don't need to be feeling this way. As for my others blogger that is reading this. Please excuse that. I have to get my feelings out there for him to see if he is reading this. If not, I truly apologize for that weak moment. If you feel the way I am feeling for this guy. Don't tell him how you right now like i am doing. I am weak and wear my heart on my sleeve. So Be strong my young blogger. Wait until you truly feel comfortable telling that person how truly feel. I am going to leave a quote that my mom always said to me. Love you first and respect yourself first. Someone will come along and you will know. Much love Karlena

Dear to the one who got away

Love is a funny story between us. The more I think about us. The more it started to hurt and annoyed, knowing the fact i could never have that first kiss. Never get a chance to hold you in my arms. Never get a chance to share a least one good happiness. You were the light to everything that was surrounded me. But I guess every happiness doesn't end always with a happy ending. Maybe I have went to fall with is or like you a little to much than a normal woman should. Can you blame me for the way that I've feel? I have been hurt and lost faith on happiness until I met you. When I met you, you made me believe that there are some good guys in this crazy world we live in. Someone like you have showen me that I can be just myself around. I don't have to hide anything around you. You have accept like no other would. You accept me through my bad and my worst days. Even thought I don't look my best. You will still said "You are beautiful to me" For that I am grateful that I've met you. No matter how crazy and funny psychoic I get. You will join with me by acting like me. Now, those days are gone. All I have is memories of a great awesome guy that show me how to have fun again. We had to go on our separted ways. We have to live our life now. But I will always rememeber the stories and secerts we had share along the way. Go on with you life and be the better person you were meant to be. I'll never forget you love. Remember this, I will support you from afar.